I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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