Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
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