hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
