Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
