so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
