Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
What happened to fro yo and sex?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
