Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
