I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
