i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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