wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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