I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Randomize
