im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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