Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
