Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
