operation harelip BJ is a go
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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