I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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