Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
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