So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
