thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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