How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
