New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Randomize
