That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
