the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
