haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
