He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
