I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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