I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
