There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
