remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
