Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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