So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize