This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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