I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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