im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Randomize
