What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
