She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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