Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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