maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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