i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
