She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
