So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
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