Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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