I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
