i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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