from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize