I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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