rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
