But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
