I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
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