If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
He called his prostate his "boner button".
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I think people are normalizing furries
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
