I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
