My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
