i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
