I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
i dont even know how to be here
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
