cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I licked your asshole in confidence.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
