Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
