So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
