I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
