I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
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