I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
