no, he came in my armpit
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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