woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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