my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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