my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize