Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
