Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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