i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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