let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
