I wanna bring you to show and tell
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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