we're blogging at a bar
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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