I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
